You are not alone...
FIRST STEPS
Before a person can be moved, a qualified healthcare professional (such as a doctor, registered nurse, or paramedic) must visit the location to formally confirm the death.
What happens next depends entirely on where the death occurred:
In Hospital
They are usually moved to the hospital mortuary where they will remain until you arrange for a funeral director to collect them.
At Home, Care Home, or Hospice
You should contact a funeral director as soon as the death is confirmed. They will arrange to bring your loved one into their professional care.
Choosing a funeral director
Selecting a funeral director is an important decision it is worth taking a moment to ensure you are comfortable with your decision.
• Ask friends, family, or colleagues for their experiences. It is also helpful to read online reviews and browse the websites of local independent services.
• Look for a provider that is SAIF compliant (National Society of Allied and Independent Funeral Directors). This ensures they adhere to a strict code of practice.
• Choose a local funeral director. This makes logistics easier for visits and arrangements.
• Despite the pressure you may feel, do not rush. Ensure the person you select feels like the right fit for your family’s specific needs.
Not all funeral directors are the same - this is one of the most important steps in the process and taking an extra hour now can prevent a lot of stress later, I am completely independent and I’m happy to advise and give suggestions if you need them.
IF A FUNERAL PLAN IS IN PLACE
Plans vary in cover, but usually include the following as a minimum:
• Funeral director’s fees
• Transportation of the deceased to the funeral director’s premises and then to the funeral service.
• Coffin
• Cremation or burial fees
• Minister or officiant fees
If your loved one had a funeral plan in place, you have more flexibility than you might realise.
Here is a breakdown of your options regarding funeral directors and existing plans.
While a plan may specify a preferred funeral director, the final decision to use them is entirely up to you.
If you have a preferred local director or one recommended by friends, you can usually transfer the existing plan to them.
If you decide to move the plan to a different provider, find the original contract and plan details and notify the plan provider that you wish to appoint a new funeral director to handle the arrangements.
The original provider may charge an administration fee for the transfer.
CERTIFICATION PROCESS
All deaths in England and Wales are independently investigated by a Medical Examiner, or in some cases a Coroner.
The Medical Examiner is a senior medical professional that oversees the death certification process and is directly involved in establishing the actual cause of death.
Medical Cause of Death Certificate
A registered doctor involved in the pre-death care of the deceased will issue a proposed Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD).
It is not necessary for the issuing doctor to have seen the deceased recently, or for them to see the deceased after death to issue this certificate.
Review by Medical Examiner
The issuing doctor's surgery. Hospital or hospice bereavement team will electronically send the proposed MCD, along with the deceased's medical history, on to the Medical Examiner, who will review the details and will consult with the family to discuss the findings.
Certification
Once the Medical Examiner is satisfied with the cause of death, they will sign off the MCCD, which they electronically forward to the Registrar.
The Medical Examiner will advise the next of kin, or the person responsible for making the arrangements for the funeral, that they should now make an appointment with the Registrar to formally register the death.
REGISTERING THE DEATH
The next of kin, or person responsible for making the arrangements for the funeral, contacts the Registrar to make an appointment to formally register the death.
This appointment should take place within 5 working days of notification from the Medical Examiner that they can register.
Coroner's Involvement
If the cause of death is unclear or if the death is sudden, violent, unnatural or unexpected, it will be referred to the coroner, whose role is to investigate the circumstances of such a death to establish the facts and to determine the cause. This may, or may not, involve an Inquest.
WHO CAN REGISTER A DEATH?
Relatives: Any family member of the deceased.
Witness: A person who was present at the time of death.
Carer: The owner or person in charge of the home or nursing home, where the death occurred.
Funeral Arranger: The individual responsible for arranging the funeral (not the Funeral Director) i.e. Executor; family friend; carer.
Where?
The death should be registered in the county where it occurred.
If needed, it can be transferred to a more local Registrar to the person registering, but this 'by declaration' process may take longer.
Meeting with the Registrar
At your appointment you will be asked the following questions:
• Full name of the deceased including maiden name, (if applicable)
• Date and place of birth
• Date and place of death
• Home address of the deceased
• Marital status of the deceased
• Last occupation of the deceased (even if retired)
• Spouse's full name, date of birth (if married)
• National Insurance Number of the deceased
Though not mandatory - if you have their passport, driving licence, birth and marriage or civil partnership certificates and proof of address – such as a utility bill or Council Tax bill it may be useful.
DEATH CERTIFICATES
This is a certified copy of what’s recorded in the death register, and you often need it to deal with the person’s estate, including their finances or property.
It can be best to pay for several certified copies at this point, as getting copies later can be more expensive and some organisations (such as banks and life insurance companies) don’t accept photocopies.
The registrar will charge you around £12.50 per certificate.
The registrar will also give you some other documents:
• A certificate for burial or cremation (known as a Green Form), which allows a burial to happen or for a cremation application to be made*.
• A unique code so you can use the ‘Tell Us Once’ service.
*In many cases, the registrar can now send the green form directly to the funeral director or crematorium electronically.
MY WISHES
The person who’s died might have left funeral instructions in their will or in a letter of wishes, while not legally binding, it’s a good place to start when planning the funeral.
MONEY
If the person who’s died left money, property or other assets, these can be used to pay for the funeral, as funeral costs come before paying off most debt (apart from secured debts such as a mortgage).
Most banks and building societies will release money from the person’s account to pay funeral costs if they see a certified copy of the death certificate.
NEXT STEPS
What your chosen funeral director will ask you…
Whilst this is by no means an essential list as your chosen funeral director should guide you through all of the necessary arrangements without it, but having this list can give you an idea as to some of the questions they will ask.
It can be nice to consult other members of the family about the various choices and decisions which will need to be made, especially if they cannot be with you when you make an appointment to go and see funeral director.
Things they need to know
Name of deceased - Age and date of birth
Address of deceased - Where the person passed away
Date and time the person passed away - The Doctor of the deceased
Is the coroner involved - Will the service be burial or cremation
Will the service be in a church first - Would you need any limousines
What is the religion of the deceased - Will the service be religious/non religious
Were there any favourite hymns/songs - Would you like a poem to be read
Did the deceased wear any jewellery - If so, will it stay on or be removed
Had you thought about a press notice - Will there be donations in lieu of flowers
Would you have flowers from the family - Where will the flowers go after the service?
If a cremation
Were there any thoughts on what to do with the cremated remains afterwards
If burial
Would this be in a new grave or an existing grave
If new would it be a double or a single grave - Is there a headstone
Questions to consider before meeting with your Funeral Director
The most common statement we hear when people contact us is ‘We don’t know where to start’. To help you gather your thoughts, on the following pages I have developed a compressive list of questions that will help you focus.
You do not need to answer any, or all of the questions prior to meeting with a Funeral Arranger, but these questions will guide your discussions with other family and friends and help you prepare for the discussion with your Funeral Director.
1. Which family member, partner or friend will be the main contact for arranging the funeral ?
2. Do you have the information required to register the death ?
3. Does the deceased person have a written funeral plan of their wishes ?
4. Does the deceased person have any Funeral Insurance or a Funeral Plan ?
If so, do you have a copy of the policy or do you know the name of the provider?
5. Is there a preference for Burial or Cremation ?
6. Where would you like to hold the funeral service ? Would you prefer a church, crematorium, community venue, outdoor venue or a private family service ?
7. If burial is preferred, what cemetery is to be used ?
8. If burial is preferred is there already a reserved plot, or preferred part of the cemetery ?
9.Who would you like to conduct the funeral ceremony ? Celebrant, Minister or Priest?
11.Would you like a viewing of your loved one ?
12.What clothing would you like the deceased person dressed in and who will provide these to the Funeral Director ?
13.Is the deceased wearing any valuables, jewellery, rings or other valuables that you would like returned ?
14.Do you have any special items to place in the coffin or casket eg. photos, letters or personal belongings ?
15.What variety, colour or style of flowers would you like placed on the coffin or casket ?
16.Would you like any charities mentioned in the funeral notice or at the service ? Some people prefer donations in lieu of flowers and we can have donation envelopes available at the service
17.Would you like to nominate Pall Bearers to carry the coffin or casket ?
18.Would you like a printed service sheet?
19.Would you like any newspaper notices ? What newspapers would you prefer ?
20.Is there any special music that you would like played at the service ?
21.Will a eulogy be read at the service ? Who will write the eulogy and who will read it?
22.Would you like an audiovisual presentation at the service ? Please note that audiovisual
presentations are not possible in some venues
23.Would you like the funeral service web-streamed or professionally recorded ?
24.Are you holding a wake or gathering after the service ? If so, where will you hold the gathering
Transport for the service:
From a traditional hearse to a horse-drawn carriage and everything in between, ranging from a tractor & trailer, motorbike sidecar, bus, fire engine or vintage car, can be considered.
Transporting loved ones to and from the funeral service in a Limousine.
Coffin choices
1. Traditional (wood veneer or solid oak)
2. Wicker, Willow, Bamboo
3. Woollen
4. Personalised (photo wrapped)
Additional requests to think about
Is there a favourite, special or appropriate outfit you would like your loved one to wear?
Is there any jewellery you may like to go with them?
There may be some additional specific or personal items you would like to go in the coffin with them?
These topics will be discussed with you by our Funeral Arranger.
Viewing and Embalming
Flowers
All flowers welcome
• Family flowers only
• Coffin spray/tribute only
• No flowers
Music
Music is an extremely important aspect of a funeral service. It can set the tone and will evoke emotions reflecting the character and releasing memories of the deceased. Below are the positions in the service where music is often played and the types of music you may wish to consider.
• Gathering Music
• Reflection music
• Hymn/s
• Exit music (Recessional)
Order of Service
Service sheets detail the 'Order of Service' and contain information about the funeral service, including the words to readings, poems, and songs. They often feature photos of the deceased, as well as providing donation and reception details. I can design these for you and I have a high quality printing company that can print these for you at a fraction of the cost that you will be charged by a funeral director, or alternatively you may organise and print them yourselves.
Poems / Readings
Choosing a significant poem or reading for a funeral can provide comfort - the themes and messages can recall cherished memories and may offer solace to those who are grieving. I have a poetry collection book that I give to families to help them chose (if required).
Donations
Donations in memory of a loved one can be a meaningful way to honour their legacy and make a positive impact, so consider causes and organisations your loved one cared about, supported, or was supported by during their lifetime.
USING 'TELL US ONCE'
The Government offers a service called 'Tell Us Once', which is designed to limit the number of times or organisations someone will have need to notify various government agencies of a death.
Some documentation will be needed, so it would be a good idea to get the following information together relating to the deceased person before you proceed.
• National Insurance number and date of birth
• Passport, or passport number and town/ country of birth
• Driving licence, or driving licence number
• Details of state pensions and other benefits
• Blue Badge
• Death certificate (if not completing 'Tell Us Once' at the time of registration)
• HM Revenue and Customs (HMRC) - to deal with personal tax and to cancel benefits and credits, for example Child Benefit and tax credits.
• Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) - to cancel benefits and entitlements, for example Universal Credit or State Pension.
• Passport Office - to cancel a British passport.
• Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency (DVLA) - to cancel a licence, remove the person as the keeper of up to 5 vehicles and end the vehicle tax.
• Local Council - to cancel Housing Benefit, Council Tax Reduction (sometimes called Council Tax Support), a Blue Badge, inform council housing services and to remove the deceased's details from the electoral register.
• Veterans UK - to cancel or update Armed Forces
Compensation Scheme payments.
NOTIFYING COMPANIES
Organisations to be notified following a death...
Employer and Professional Associations (if necessary)
Utilities Companies; Gas, electric, telephone, & water providers
Post Office; to redirect mail (may incur a small charge)
Bank & Building Societies (joint accounts will need to be adjusted)
Life Insurance Companies; an application accompanied by a Death Certificate, may need to be submitted to claim any proceeds
Things to cancel
Credit Cards, Bank Cards, Direct Debits, Standing Orders Hospital, Doctors, Dentist, Hairdresser Appointments
Mobile Phone & Streaming service subscriptions/contracts
Home Help or Carers.
Social Memberships (e.g. Sports Clubs, Lunch Clubs, Rotary, etc.)
Items To return
Return Passport to Customer Service Management Team,
HM Passport Office, PO Box 767, Southport PR8 9PW.
Driving licence to DVLA, Swansea, SA99 1AB.
Vehicle registration documents to DVLA, Swansea Season tickets, clubs, library or membership cards
National Insurance papers
If the property is unoccupied...
Take all utility readings and advise utility companies.
Ensure windows and doors are locked and secure
Dispose of all perishable foods
Ensure mail is removed or redirected.
Consider leaving a key with a neighbour to keep an eye on things and periodically check property.
Adjust time switches for lights, to make property appear occupied.
Central Heating, adjust thermostat accordingly
GOVERNMENT FINANCIAL SUPPORT
Government assistance with funeral costs may be available.
To see whether you are potentially eligible for support go online to find out more about the qualifying criteria.
Below are some of the types of support funds or payments available:
Funeral Expenses Payment (FEP)
Helps eligible people on certain benefits cover burial or cremation costs. It doesn't always cover the full cost, but it can help with necessary expenses like fees, transport, and documentation.
www.gov.uk/funeral-payments
Bereavement Support Payment
Can provide financial support to those whose spouse or civil partner has died. It consists of a lump sum followed by monthly payments for up to 18 months, helping with living costs during bereavement.
www.gov.uk/bereavement-support-payment
Children's Funeral Fund for England
Can help to pay for some of the costs of a funeral for a child under 18, or a baby stillborn after the 24th week of pregnancy.
www.gov.uk/child-funeral-costs
There are many payment schemes for after someone has died including Child Benefit (if a child or parent dies);
Guardian's Allowance;
Statutory Parental Bereavement Pay and Leave;
Universal Credit;
Widowed Parents Allowance; and the War Widow(er) Pension.
A service as unique as you are...
When I spoke at my dad's funeral and then some years later my mum’s,
I was armed with some incredible things that I could share with everyone who came to say goodbye.
You see I was lucky; both of my parents spoke enthusiastically and openly about their lives, about things that they would like said and how they wanted to be remembered.
And then it came to me… wouldn’t it be special for you to have input in your own eulogy? It would mean that at your service you would be able to share your favourite most treasured stories and to say thank you to friends and family even though you are not physically there.
How does it work?
I simply meet with you and ask you a series of questions that I have craft-ed over time to give a spark to a eulogy, I then create your own ‘Life story so far’ and keep it safe for whenever it may be put to use.
You can even record your own message if you wish, that can then be played in the future, making your service more memorable, poignant, and incredibly moving.
'You see, when the time comes, your funeral should be a celebration of your life
- and who better to provide some of the words than you!'